And then there were Four
Our sweet baby Hayes turned ONE a few weeks ago (ok, like 5 weeks ago!) and it has been difficult for me to believe that my babe is no longer an infant! He has four adorable little teeth, can say “hi” “mama” “dada” “uh oh” and “who who” (which is him barking like a puppy but sounds more like an owl) and my favourite, he has just figured out peek-a-boo and I cannot get enough of those chubby little fingers covering his eyes!
Anyone who knows me knows that I am in a constant state of denial at how quickly my children grow, and the past twelve months have been no exception especially juxtaposed to a pregnancy which seemed to last for years!
I love how milestones like birthdays inherently require reflection. Looking back at life in our first year with two children has shown me so much personal growth; I am more confident in who I am and my unique purpose, more confident as a mother, and most importantly, I feel more equipped than ever to help guide the sweet little spirits I have been given stewardship over to grow and flourish. One full trip around the sun as a mama of two, here are some of the more practical and impactful lessons I have learned.
The baby comes out/goes in first.
I will never forget dropping my mom off at the airport about two weeks after Hayes was born. The last of the postnatal live-in “help”, the time had come for me to spread my little mama wings and learn to do this on my own. Baefore I had Aspen I purchased the Bugaboo Chameleon stroller which was great when we lived in the city, but I didn’t want to get a double stroller as I already felt monstrous walking down the busy streets in Coal Harbour with a stroller, so I opted for the “skateboard” attachment for Aspen which is the wheelboard and seat you can attach to the back. I stopped by Crocodile Baby in Yaletown on my way back from the airport to pick it up and found a perfect parking spot right in front of the store (basically the same as winning the lottery when you’re a mother of two downtown). I put the car in park and then suddenly the panic set in – how was I going to do this? Who comes out first?! Do I get the baby out and leave him on the sidewalk to be potentially kidnapped or peed on by a dog while I get the toddler, or do I get the toddler out and risk him running into the street while I get the baby…??? OMG.
17,000 trips of getting the babies in and out of the car later I have a system and it always involves the baby coming out first. Stroller out, wheels locked, then baby, then toddler. Then repeat in reverse order when loading back in. It seems overly obvious now, but it took some serious blunders to get that one ironed out.
The stakes are high (not like you didn’t know that).
You’ve heard that saying ‘an elephant never forgets’? Well, have you ever had a conversation with a toddler? My toddler forgets zero of the things I say. When does this begin? Somewhere around two, I think. But it’s not just the things I say, it’s the things I listen to, podcasts playing when he is around, people he encounters. Yes, they are sponges and they also feel and sense character – they are spiritual beings without knowing it yet, and we are responsible to protect that. I often feel overwhelmed by that fact, the weight of knowing I am responsible for forming the lens with which my children see the world. I have a meltdown; I yell at Aspen and loose my cool. But then I apologize and am reminded that children are the most forgiving individuals there are. Despite my many failures my children go on loving me unabashedly every day. They are my greatest teachers.
“I thought I knew what it meant, but then discovered a whole new meaning the time my girlfriend let me breastfeed her newborn when I was so engorged from being away from my own baby ”
It Takes a Village.
It takes a Village to raise a child. I know, I’m not exactly hitting you with phrases you’ve never heard before in this post, but this one has shown itself to be more true than I could have ever imagined when hearing it so many times prior to having children of my own. I thought I knew what it meant, but then discovered a whole new meaning the time my girlfriend let me breastfeed her newborn when I was so engorged from being away from my own baby while getting ready to kick off my Babes + Beats event for Hautebox. True story. And let’s just talk about a Village for a minute; show me where in history we see that being a mother means burying yourself in solitude and expecting to function on zero sleep while simultaneously being able maintain normal life functions like feeding yourself, your children, showering, laundry. “Sleep when he baby sleeps”, they say. Ok, perfect, so when do I get to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth? When do I wash the clothes the baby barfed on or change the crib sheets that they had a blowout on? You do that when your girlfriend is over holding your baby and her kid is playing with your kids(s). Instead of making a complete meal on Sunday nights you simply prepare a salad and then dine in community with your Village like sane people who also prepared part of the meal while your kids run around like wild monkeys (or sometimes play like little cherubs). We have found the most incredible Village in Squamish and I am truthfully so grateful to be raising babies alongside these people. Find your Village sister, it will change your life.
Get the lashes.
Ok, this one is both literal and theoretical so if you’re rolling your eyes reading this, stick with me. The early years with babies are like an extreme sport, a talent show of survival on little to no sleep. Sadly, my children have yet to consult each other in regard to the times they wake up and need me throughout the night which has resulted in me finding merely minutes to sleep some nights, and this can go on for nights on end! Surprisingly, this has not done wonders for my overall appearance. I had gotten lash extensions in the past and gone through phases of having them on but recently took the plunge again and am SO glad that I did! It’s one little thing I can do for myself that makes me feel great when I look in the mirror. Perhaps for you that is as simple as committing five minutes to yourself to brush your teeth and properly cleanse, moisturize, and I don’t now maybe even exfoliate! For someone else it might be taking the time to paint your nails or book a salon appointment to get a cut and colour. The point is that it’s so important to remember the best version of you for you is the best version of you for your kids.
We are all just big babies.
The more parenting books I read, the more self-aware I become. A wonderful book I have been coming back to for several months is Simplicity Parenting,by Kim John Payne (they also have a podcast!); the message is to use the power of less to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids. Several of the books I’ve read discuss the impact of over-stimulating children and caution parents around rushing and overloading their child’s schedule. As I’m reading this I just can’t help think about how much I hate bouncing from one commitment to the next; how I do so well with a daily rhythm and time between “events” to mentally process and have some stillness. Likewise, the need children have for rhythm and purpose is not something they grow out, we all need rhythm and routine in our day and purpose to fulfill us!
I recently had the privilege of going to a yoga & wellness retreat with The Bodhi Effect and spent almost 3 full days allowing myself stillness. It was MAGIC. We as a society are preaching how beneficial meditation and prayer are for daily ritual, but I think it’s also important to recognize that our children also need that same pause and stillness in order to feel secure.
I’m always humbled and learning in this motherhood journey and my children continue to be my greatest teachers. They are little miracles and it is such an honour to be their mama, something I remind myself of in the difficult moments.
