Bear's Birth Story

My little Bear: just four weeks in this world and you have already changed us in the most profound of ways. You might say you saved us from something we didn’t know we needed saving; trading the magical for the mundane. You restored that. It’s been a hard year for us and so many – yet I forget all about it when I stare at your tiny little nose or hold your precious little fingers. How could it be that we lived without you for all this time? I could never put into words the beautiful thing that happened when you took your first breath, but the world shifted. You were always meant to be here with us, to complete our family.

 On the day you were born I was in surrender. Or defeat. (Life is all about perspective, you will learn).

 I was feeling powerless over my belly that seemed to have grown wider than I was tall, and I was tired from trying to keep pace with your big brothers who were also anxious to meet you. It was (Canadian) Thanksgiving (we will celebrate Thanksgiving again in a few weeks as we are also American – more on that later), so I was taking a slight pause from obsessing over your birth to make cranberry sauce, set a festive Fall tablescape and roast pumpkin seeds. 

Your daddy had been working early mornings and late nights as he knew you would be joining us soon and your brothers were collected by an angel, AKA Leo’s mama, for a play date so I had some rare alone time in the kitchen, baking and decorating, until it dawned on me that I could actually get off my feet and have a space for some rest. Afterall, you would be making your debut any day now. It was October 11th and I had now officially been anticipating your big debut for about 6 weeks (you were only 2 days past your October 9th due date). Mama was so very ready to meet you for a very, very long time.

My midwives were also quite certain that we would meet you soon as well and just the day prior had come for a home visit. Your older brother Hayes was also born at home, but mama’s midwives didn’t make it to the birth in time, so this time the midwives were very keen to make sure they were ready when you were. Your brothers were excited to see the midwife because we had been reading all about you and being a big brother and how it was that you would make your journey from living inside mama’s tummy to being in our arms. Our favourite book we would read is called Mama Midwife – such a beautiful story about how babies meet their families and it is even a Mommy Bear giving birth to her cub in the water, just like the way you would enter the world my little Bear. Your brothers love the story, and it’s a fave of mine too. The end of the story would bring tears each and every time I read it as I knew it perfectly foretold the journey we would go on together to bring you into our family. 

In the book the midwife helps the mommy find her strength to welcome her baby bear cub by whispering in her ear right before she delivers her babe (Mama Midwife tells her daughter what she whispered to Mama Bear):

“I just told her that her perfect, strong body was made for having a baby. Then I asked her to imagine that her mom, her grandma, her great-grandma and all of the millions of mommies from everywhere in time were gathered around her in a circle. Together we imagined that they were sweetly singing a special song, just for her.”

And the song goes like this:

I am powerful, I am strong,

I am like the ocean’s song.

I am resilient, I am wise,

I am like the sunrise.

I am steadfast and divine, 

I am like the stars that shine.

Well, shortly after your brothers returned from their play date with Leo, Mama started having contractions that didn’t stop. The contractions had been coming for several weeks, but they would come and go, and these seemed to continue. Your brothers have a lot of energy which was a bit distracting but while making them lunch I kept thinking I should grab my phone to time these contractions, but then I would get distracted again (this is normal!).

But then I decided, maybe I should just call my doula to give her a heads up that this might indeed be your birth day. Thanksgiving has always been a special day for me as it is the day that your daddy asked me to marry him – little did we know on this Thanksgiving that it was about to become an even more special day for us for the rest of time.

 Fiona, mama’s doula thought it would be a good idea to give the midwives a heads up about the action as well. This got me excited – could this mean you were going to be joining us soon?? I was afraid to get too excited, but the contractions continued.

I paged the midwife on call and got a call back as we, you, me and your two brothers, began walking in the light Fall rain down to your oldest brother’s best buddy’s house to deliver some fresh baked cookies and toasted pumpkin seeds. By the time we arrived at their house, just at the end of the block I was sure my labour had begun and we would be meeting you very soon. The midwife had asked if she could come and setup her supplies and said we could discuss the possibility of breaking my water to get the party started. I was a bit surprised by this, but my excitement outweighed any trepidation, and we met her unloading her car just as we returned from our cookie drop. The Fall rain began to pick up. The energy was palpable.

As we came inside and got sorted, Hayes went upstairs for a perfectly timed nap and your oldest brother Aspen had a ball overseeing the rearrangement of the living room for the birthing pool setup. When the decision was to be made whether or not to break my water, midwife Jess was performing an exam to check your position. You were low and ready, and mama’s body seemed very ready too – Jess said, “I can feel his ear!” as she completed her exam. You had ears! Hooray! I thought, ha! Of course you did, but it seemed so unbelievable that I would be able to whisper into those precious ears within only a matter of hours form that moment. “Shall we break your water?” I was asked. An unequivocal “YES!” came out without even a discussion with your father or Fiona, our Doula. I knew we were ready for our journey together to bring your earth-side and trusted my mama intuition that told me it was time.

I had never had broken water during either of my two previous labours; my water had broken during delivery with both your big brothers, so this was a new experience. The contractions weren’t coming as frequently anymore, which was a bit worrisome as there was now a clock ticking – if labour didn’t progress now that the amniotic fluid protecting your precious little body was leaking out, we would find ourselves on the inside of an OR. Had I been reckless to jump so quickly on the opportunity to meet you too soon? I carried on with the ultimate belief that we would have an uncomplicated and beautiful birth together just as I had dreamed and prepared for, so we focused on making sure those contractions kept coming and moving you closer and closer to being in our arms.

This meant I was in labour bootcamp which included sipping verbena tea, side-climbing of the stairs, and even pulling out the breast pump! And just as we hoped, the contractions continued, and they meant business! They weren’t particularly close together at first, but they were STRONG. I could feel you getting near.

Your daddy was there with us the whole time. At one point when a strong contraction reminded me just how close you were, he held us tight while the tears began to fall. Later Fiona commented that she knew this was when things were getting real. Shortly after, my entire body began to shake and I felt cold – I think all of my strength and warmth was rallying around you and getting ready for the big push.

I decided it was time to get into the birthing pool, both to warm up as well as ready myself to finally feel your tiny body in my arms. The tone of the room was solemn and yet joyous; the birthing tub was centered directly below a beautiful chandelier that hung like a halo above us and right next to the warm fireplace, both of which provided the only light in the room.

The next hour could have been 20 minutes or 20 days; I experienced that final stage of labour in a non-linear time warp that I took one breath, one deep meditative moan at a time. My mind was steadfast as I faintly heard the words of your daddy and our care team guide us through your descent. It was time to push; a terrifying and glorious realization.

I’ve described what happened next as a high-speed freight train. It was the most intense thing I have ever experienced. And then, as quickly as it came on, it was done. You were here, in my arms, pressed close to my chest, and you were perfect. That moment was suspended in time; a Spiritual event that was such a gift to experience and feel with every sense and emotion that I possessed. In my 35 years of life on this earth I have learned that sometimes it is a gift to feel, even if that feeling is pain. Do not run from pain my dear one, this will make you strong.  

You are an indescribable gift, my little Bear. I am so thankful to be your mama; to love you, to hold you, to share this life with you. Welcome to the world my dear one, you were made to ROAR.