Re-Defining Self Care

“Self care” has become such a hype word/phrase. It’s used all the time, we all know we need it, and yet despite some of our best intentions I think we often don’t know how to truly care for ourselves in a way that leaves us feeling filled up and restored.

While spending the month of February in Mexico I had the opportunity for some much needed self-reflection. Having just learned I was pregnant with our third child and feeling less than my best, I knew I needed to commit to some serious self care in the coming months to make sure I was supporting myself and supporting my family. I have no desire to simply “survive” in these early childhood years and yet can easily find that I am living in that space if not being mindful and intent on showing up for myself and seeking out the support I need.

So I returned home with all sorts of notes, plans, and commitments to myself on how I would nourish my body, mind and spirit in these pregnancy months and beyond into new mommyhood with three! And then…COVID! Bye-bye to my best laid plans; everything was closed and life as we knew it seemed to have evaporated with but a moment’s notice. We all weathered this storm uniquely in our own lives and I’m sure there is no need to remind you how challenging the shift was. My plans for regular workouts, massages, acupuncture and simple babysitting support were uprooted. I realized I was utterly ill-prepared to nourish myself without the outside support of these old comforts that I traditionally gravitated to. I was exhausted, nauseated, and managing a toddler, a breastfed 1.5-year-old and a growing belly. I knew I needed to find a way to feel nourished and I needed it fast.

First step: Managing the babes

We are pretty selective with when and how we use screen time in our home and I quickly determined that Aspen, my oldest would be allowed to watch shows only while Hayes, my youngest would nap. This provided us with two things; first, Aspen knew that he would get his shows at a pre-determined time (almost) daily, which meant he quit whining and begging for it all time time and he didn’t put up such a fight when it was time to turn it off. This was a huge win for us and something I know many parents experience issues around - the dreaded transition out of screen time! Screen time is such a charged parenting topic that tends to carry a lot of guilt and/or be accompanied by quite a bit of judgement, but I felt really good about this new parameter for our family. A third pregnancy during a global pandemic was not the time I was going to try and eliminate screens. The second thing this new designation for shows allowed was a time for me that I knew I would get a break daily. THIS WAS HUGE. Many days one or both of the kids would get up at 5:00am (or earlier, eek!!!) and with a toddler who no longer naps, the days were just waaaaay too long and nights too short. Hayes’ nap time meant I was able to nap, take a bath, respond to emails, do a load of laundry, whatever it was that I felt I needed most in that moment. There was space for my needs and I knew it would come daily and that felt really reassuring.

I’m not suggesting that screen time is the only solution to creating space for yourself and appreciate that everyone has varying levels of comfort with it. I am, however, suggesting that you find a way to make space for your own needs and do so in a way that you know you can rely on it daily. And sister, if that looks like screen time in your house all or most days - zero judgement. In fact, I applaud you.

Second Step: Define what Nourishing Self Care looks like for YOU

It was during one of these “baby naps/toddler gets screen time” block of time where I was able to take a bath and reflect on the difference between what I would normally do for self care vs. things that actually made me feel more grounded, less anxious, and could give me that overall sense of calm so many of us desire.

Next: Start Your List

I started a list; at first it felt really silly, the notion that I didn't innately know how to nourish myself. But as I forced the exercise I realized how valuable this could really be.

Maybe you’ve experienced a similar scenario; you have a babysitter for a short window or your husband takes your kid(s) on a Saturday morning and allows you to sleep in or “luxuriate” in whatever fashion you so choose…sounds dreamy, right? But then panic sets in as you determine how exactly to spend that precious hour or two. Do you take a long bath with candles and bath salts? Do a home workout and organize an area of your closet that makes you feel accomplished? Do you make a coffee and actually enjoy it hot while reading a good book?? WHAT DO YOU DO?? Choose wisely sister because you will be kicking yourself later if that time comes to a close and you’re still feeling as exhausted and undernourished as you did before it began.

Perhaps this sounds ridiculous to you (and maybe it’s just my personality type), but what I realized while constructing my list of the things that bring me peace - that could support me in feeling my best - was that when I had moments where I could be nourishing myself and practicing some self care, I didn’t know where to start. Or I would be too focused on “accomplishing”. But accomplishing was not what was needed. Rest and nourishment were in order.

So back to the list; I put down anything and everything I could think of from the tiniest things to the more grandeur. I realized that sometimes the road block to self care is attainability. We would all love to get proper sleep, go for a massage, practice yoga daily, or have a weekend away (be that solo, a girls’ trip or with your partner) etc, but that’s not always attainable, and that can’t just be the end of the road for our quest to support ourselves. So I found adding the very simple “lighting a candle I love” and “texting a friend I miss or haven’t talked to” to be exciting additions self care go to my guide.

I also noticed trends; things like baths, dry brushing, body oils and face masks. These are all ritual home care things that most of us keep around but rarely make time to use (or was that just me??). But bringing light to how much this supported me was all the encouragement I needed to incorporate them into my daily routine.

Last: Set Yourself up for Success

How do we best support ourselves in adopting new habits or changing daily ritual? Set the stage! I have enjoyed changing up my bathroom setup so that my vanity includes only the products in my morning or evening skincare routine and my dry brush is out next to my sink with body oil ready to roll. And one of the things I love most about this is that my babies see it before bed when we are brushing teeth and want some of mama’s oil too, which is such a beautiful part of bedtime routine and a great ‘bedtime queue” for them! (We are currently loving the Nootka and Sea Lavender Vanilla Body Oil). One of my girlfriends, Sophie Collins also suggests putting your mat out where you will do your morning workout before you go to bed - I love this not only because you are taking out a step for your self in the morning, but because you are telling your brain you are committing to something and readying yourself for the follow through.

Nourishing our minds, bodies and spirits as mothers can be an incredible challenge! BUT IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO THE WELLBEING OF OUR ENTIRE FAMILY THAT WE CANNOT FORGO THE EFFORT. Is this groundbreaking science? Ha - of course not! A gentle reminder and hopefully some tips and hacks that make nourishment feel more attainable? I genuinely hope so.

Some my favourite products for self care below:

Don’t be too shy to leave a comment below or find me on social and share some of your more accessible self care go-to’s from your own list! I’d love to hear and learn from you; we are on this journey together.

xo.

Gretchen